It happens, doesn’t it? You meet someone you like. You hang out. You start to like it a lot. Then all of a sudden that person is embedded in your brain.
She inspires your body and every night when you go home, and you get into bed, there she is, trapped in your head. With hot and delicious and very, very tempting thoughts.
And you think about him or her, even when you turn around and say good night to whoever you have at that moment by your side.
It is difficult to be suffering for not knowing how to forget a forbidden love, sometimes you think that it is the end of the world, a large part of people go through similar circumstances at some point in their lives, they have overcome it and they serve as support to people like you.
In this case, the suffering can become more intense since you do not have the freedom to talk about the case with other people because it is an impossible love, it is not easy, but if you can forget, the really important thing is that feel good about yourself and know that that does not make you less than other people, anyone can go through that.
This is an event that happens a lot during adolescence since you can fall intensely in love with a teacher or a person who is very married and is very close to your family. However, this does not mean that as an adult it does not happen either.
Whatever age you are here I will let you walk to the goal of forgetting that forbidden love.
What Do You Have To Do To Forget A Forbidden Love?
Clarify things, they harass you and they say. Tell your partner that you are in love or in love with someone else. Tell someone you are in love with. It is the most honest thing you should do.
Of course, it is easier said than done already, of course. What if you are left alone or alone, reprimanded, rejected, and responsible for causing harm, pain, and unhappiness?
So keep it a secret and within yourself, you think. You’ll get over it, in time. It is not worth the risk. It is not worth the pain. It’s not worth it, this will pass. Just enjoy the flirtation. Enjoy the fantasy. Don’t cross the line. But, in those moments before going to sleep, those tiny and immobile moments, you ask yourself: ” What if it’s love? “
Next, a new question arises: When do you jump?
It’s easy to say “you’ll just know”. As if “real” love comes along and announces itself: “Hi, I’m the one you’ve been looking for – it’s time to take the plunge!” But if that were the case, the world would be a very different place.
People would easily leave relationships because no one would get in the way of what real love is . People would understand. Love would conquer all.
Love can, of course, but you have to know when it comes first.
There is a difference between what love is and what love is not. As I wish for example. The desire, recently captured by the French philosopher Alain Badiou, “focuses on the other, always in a somewhat fetishistic way, on particular objects, such as breasts, buttocks and other parts of the body …”.
In other words, the desire is objective. You covet things. But, Badiou argues: In Praise of Love, you cannot love them. Because love is not about having. Love is giving. It’s deep and all-encompassing – their connection came from an unfathomable place.
In contrast to desire, Badiou writes: “love focuses on the being of the other … The declaration of love marks the transition from chance to destiny and that is why it is so dangerous and so weighed down by a kind of terrifying terror.”
How To Know If It Is Love?
Is love? How can she tell? What are you thinking? What do they do? These are the questions that go round and round in the heads of those who have been there. Would you treat her this way if your current relationship was happy, if you were really in love with your partner? Would it be wise to pursue your feelings if you believe they are true?
These situations are never easy, but matters of the heart rarely are. In our opinion, the best way forward requires a reasonable discussion between all parties involved.
However, being idealists, we hope that sensitivity and integrity will prevail in problems that otherwise ruin insecure egos.
Still, surely relationships deserve honesty. Surely it is better to ask “Am I in love?” Not just in silence, but out loud and with whom you love.
Surely, in this case, she should speak to him, he should speak to his girlfriend, and everyone should speak from their hearts. And then, waiting for the answers, action must be taken.
Because here is the question of the jump: you will always land somewhere else.
Types Of Impossible Or Forbidden Loves
1. For Infidelity.
This is very typical and usually occurs when you have doubts about what you feel, that is why it is very important to have fluid communication with your partner, not to stay with things without saying, or with doubts about him or her, or when they do things to you that you do not you like or stop doing things you want so again communication is the key. Sometimes you don’t want to accept that the relationship is not going well, you leave things like that and put yourself at risk.
2. Indecision Or Concerns.
Sometimes you are undecided if this is the right person, this will be the love of my life, those doubts are fatal, you are in a relationship, immerse yourself in it and get the best out of it.
Another is not being clear about where you are going, what your values are and if you are with a partner who helps you and who is going on the same path, these are good indications for you to review and leave doubts once and for all.
3. Inappropriate Relationship.
They are perhaps the most harmful types for everything they bring with them, these are when you are in a very complicated relationship that should not be disagreement with the established order, for example, when you are with a married man or woman, when you go out with someone much older, with a relative,
How Is It That Forbidden Relationships Make Those Relationships Stronger?
For a normal couple, it is easy to get together, they go out after school after they finish working, but for a relationship like this, things don’t usually happen that way, they have to figure out harder to be together.
They make excuses for their parents, friends, and found themselves in faraway destinations where they wouldn’t be caught.
The time they spend together is limited, so they valued it more. There is a theory that says that trying harder to achieve a goal will lead to value the achievement of that goal more than if it took very little effort to achieve it, this is one of the reasons why it costs more to get out.
As members of a highly individualistic society, we don’t like being told what to do or how to feel. When others try to influence our behaviours, we often respond with psychological reactivity, that is, we have a tendency to react against threats to our freedom by asserting ourselves.
This tendency is so strong that when someone explicitly tries to influence our opinions in one direction, we will even change our attitudes in a direction opposite to our original feelings.
When parents, friends, and society tell you not to do it, you feel compelled to defend their feelings for him and their commitment to their relationship, and through this defense, our feelings for these relationships grew stronger.
Similarly, when parents forbid friendships, teens actually spend more time with those forbidden friends, and they may also engage in more rebellious behaviors.
Secrecy Increases Intimacy
The prohibition of friendships or relationships often forces us to keep them secret in order to continue them. Research shows that sharing secrets increases intimacy , you become complicit with that person and feelings of sympathy, even among strangers.
Sharing secrets can also enhance commitment to a relationship and facilitate the development of a partner’s sense of “we” or “us.” Furthermore, because forbidden relationships take place out of the sight of most friends and family, they are not “socially proven and therefore can be idealized.”
What To Do When You Like Someone You Shouldn’t?
If that person shouldn’t be on your mind, it’s safe to say there is some kind of problem.
Do you know, perhaps, that he may have an addiction to drugs or alcohol, or that he already has three divorces behind him and is not even thirty-five, or (and this is a classic), he has already left someone previous partner for another true love.
Having gone through the latter scenario, and basing this advice on what I know now that I wish I had known then, here are some things I’d like to think about when it comes to expecting a real forbidden love relationship:
1. You Must Think Carefully About What You Want And What You Expect.
I used to dream of having help in my life. I cared for two elderly, disabled relatives, who fell into my lap one year and then two years later, a cancer diagnosis for my husband.
My dream of being able to associate with someone, of not having to handle everything in life alone, was ripped out and cruelly replaced with the stuff of nightmares.
So how do you think I felt after my husband passed away and I met my next boy? Sometimes, as much as we feel drained and needy, we can wrap ourselves around our attraction to someone.
We need to be clear and attentive, as no matter how needy we are, it does not give us the right or the excuse to hurt or use another person.
2. Your Best Scenario Is Not Going To Happen.
Since when does something come out without any problem? If your dream of what it could be like involves your crush’s successful stay in rehab, your best friend doesn’t mind that you are dating your ex, or that your wife is calmly accepting the divorce and that the children are liking you, it will be better. think again.
Really, which scenario is most likely? If you are avoiding telling someone, it is because you already know the truth.
3. Your Inappropriate Crush Could End In A Really Horrible Crash, No Matter How Good It Looks At First.
My friend was making noises about moving out. He was well aware that many men do this: they promise to leave, they promise to leave, and they never do. I stepped back to see what happened.
After my man actually left, consulted a divorce attorney and went into therapy, I thought my case was one of a million that would turn out differently. So did his therapist. So did my therapist.
Moved by all this evidence that things were going to work out according to my best scenario, I stood there despite these creepy little feelings that kept saying something was wrong.
Turns out, I should have listened to my instincts, not the therapist or him.
4. Appearances Can Be Really, Really Deceptive.
Everything looks perfect and then… wow! There are two types of professional liars that can shatter your heart into a million pieces and it can take a long time to detect both types.
One of them is the narcissistic, criminal or disorderly person of the personality who tells you lies and uses you cruelly.
This is the type of person who accompanies you with bad luck stories, moves in with you, doesn’t kick the meds, and then disappears with your bank account.
The other is codependent. This person is an expert in sniffing out what will please you, he will give it to you on a silver platter and then he will disappear because he did not know or could not tell you what it was he really wanted or did not have. The emotional strength to keep going.
But one sign that you will always see head-on, no matter what type of guy you’re with, is that you’ve entered a relationship that most people would tell you you shouldn’t. With the criminally inclined boy, it’s happening because they’re really trying to use you and hurt you.
The codependent does not want to hurt anyone; he just doesn’t have the self-worth and self-worth to advocate for his own needs. He says “yes” to everyone all the time, then he can’t help but disappoint someone.
He may be the dearest, but if he can’t say “no” to anyone and you are in an inappropriate relationship, he will likely end up saying “no” to you.
When I entered my inappropriate relationship, I had no idea how emotionally unhealthy my partner and their partner were. Just from knowing him socially, he seemed so far out of my league, that I could never have imagined him.
From her stories, I could eventually see who she was, and I could see why he was unhappy, but when two people are in a relationship together, it is a sign that they are both on the same level of emotional health.
When the truth finally hits you, it could be a much harder fall than you ever imagined.
5. If It Doesn’t Work, It Can Hurt A Lot More Than You Were Even Prepared For.
The failure of my inappropriate infatuation completely dominated my life for three years and I spent those years in unimaginable pain.
6. It Can Be Difficult To Get Out.
Leaving a destructive relationship, be it with drugs, food, alcohol, or another person (especially when it comes to a wedding ring), is much more difficult for a person than you think it is.
People become addicted to drugs, food, and alcohol in the first place because they have difficult feelings within themselves that the drug, food, or alcohol helped them cope with.
If they had no solution other than addiction in the first place, their problems must have been painful, by the way. Now, they have the pain of the addiction plus the pain that led to the addiction.
If they are not showing you now that they can handle what they need to do to improve, understand that they may never do so. When you leave them, the years could pass and your life could suffer in a way that you cannot understand now.
And it wasn’t until I did some real research on divorce that I realized how difficult divorce is, and all the reasons why.
All of this increases the likelihood that your inappropriate crush will come to a bad end, should you decide to continue.
7. If Other People Find Out, You Must Imagine Their Worst Reactions.
Are these something you can live with? To my ex, they weren’t. In my case, if someone had found out, I could have lost all the friends I had.
But, I realize that despite all these warnings, you are drawn to take it to the next level with this forbidden person anyway.
If this is you, realize that you must ask yourself: if all these consequences happen in the worst ways you can imagine, really put yourself in that scenario, will you be glad you did? Or, do you wish you never did?
What To Do If You Witness An Inappropriate Relationship
Although forbidden relationships can be strengthened by the disapproval of others in the short term, in the long term, relationships that are supported by friends and family are happier and more likely to last.
The researchers recommend explaining the reasons for opposition to a relationship in a supportive way and allowing individuals to retain their autonomy by not trying to force them to leave a relationship.
Having supportive family and friends expressing concerns about a bad relationship can help people who are interested in ending their relationships to accomplish this difficult task.
7 Steps To Forget A Forbidden Love
When it comes to forgetting, it always hurts, regardless of the reasons, that is why I recommend that you calmly read these steps that I will provide below so that you know what you can implement to help you forget that impossible love.
Like any task, you must be responsible so that you can achieve the expected objectives, if you have already reached the determination that you must forget, you cannot be falling into the same weaknesses all the time and continue to suffer for the same thing.
Step 1; Talk To Someone You Trust
This is a very fundamental step so that you can forget that impossible love, but this person has to be very trustworthy, since everything must be in absolute discretion so as not to generate problems.
I can also recommend that you seek the help of a psychologist since he will listen to you and without reproach you will help you when looking for a solution. Unburdening yourself will be a great relief.
Step 2; Share With Family And Friends
You cannot stay at home regretting what you feel and thinking that that person you like is sharing in those moments with another (a). You have to go out to have fun, meet or other individuals you can deal with and give yourself the opportunity to start a relationship with someone who corresponds to your feelings.
There are people who like stormy relationships, worrying, that at any moment they are discovered and a controversy is created, that in the long run brings more problems so think and make the right decision.
Step 3; Take A Trip
If you are constantly seeing that person it will be more difficult for you to forget, so you can take a trip, get away from that environment that reminds you, being far away you can better analyze the situation and understand what is really convenient for you, do not feed the feelings in your loneliness, that in the long run will only make you suffer. Couple are two, otherwise things would not work.
Try to travel with a friend, have fun, visualize that life that you deserve and want to live, little by little you will think less about that forbidden love and you will feel better.
Step 4; Think About Something Else
Love is a feeling that must be fed, if you are thinking, making plans for the future with a person who does not even turn to see you, you will fall into deep suffering when disappointed, so I suggest you try as little as possible to think about him. Invest your time doing other activities that give you better results, only then can you forget.
Step 5; Recognize Your Failures
There are people who think that you fall in love with who you want, because thoughts are things that only you can control and if you do not think about the negative aspects that this illusion brings you, you will be nurturing an unhealthy feeling for you, at this moment where you have to self-evaluate and recognize where you have failed and try to make up for your failures.
You must always keep in mind that happiness only depends on you, you decide what you want and how you want to live it, think and rectify what you have created.
Step 6; Accept It’s Time To Forget
This is one of the most difficult steps to overcome, but if you have already gone through the previous one, this is the right time to tell you that now, if you have reached the time to decide to forget.
Accept that you are just wasting your time, that a relationship with a forbidden love does not work, of course it will hurt a lot, but it is something that sooner or later you will have to accept.
Making that decision is brave, so if you can, it is a matter of knowing how to think and act, reason leads you to the satisfaction of knowing that you are taking things in a very intelligent way.
Step 7; Let Time Pass
Time heals everything, he is the only one who can help you see things from another point of view and understand that the best thing you can do is let things flow and try to live fully.
As time passes, you will feel stronger since all the experiences will strengthen you and make you a more complete and determined person when making decisions.
This will be your best ally, the best thing in life is that there is one day after the other and no matter how hard or painful things are today, tomorrow will be different, be patient and wait for everything to pass.
They say that forbidden loves are more intense, but it seldom lasts to tell, there are more disappointments that you take away than happy moments, you cannot fall into a kind of masochism and endure so much for a while of pleasure, in life nothing It is hidden and every act has consequences, so you must be prepared to assume them.
Wishing you can understand what my purpose is with these words and put into practice those simple steps that can help you forget that love that for one thing or another you decided to call it (forbidden), if you have that clear, the results will be more satisfactory since You began to separate the good and bad things that this type of relationship can generate for you
Key Tips To Forget A Forbidden Love
In short, love is one of the best life experiences you can have. But, unfortunately, it is not always a love that can be called “healthy and reciprocated.”
Most of the time there are certain obstacles that cannot be completely overcome, and it is there, when you really need to take into account, some tips or advice that can allow you to forget that forbidden love in a very short time.
Keep in mind that your health, whether physical or mental, can be somewhat compromised and also affected by certain emotional factors that you cannot face.
Because, it is not healthy for you to lock yourself in a cycle of pain, anger, among other sensations that you may be experiencing so that a period of overcoming arises.
These tricks that I will be teaching you are completely simple, and effective as you imagine. Everything is usually a matter of time before you start feeling free again.
And, likewise, you can enjoy the pleasures that life can offer you. Therefore, do not stop taking advantage of those great possibilities that can be opened to you with a person who is not the one for you.
Try To Meet And Have Fun
The idea is that, you can always keep busy, likewise, you will not give way to sadness, you should know that, if you stay in your room, without wanting to do anything. You will only be thinking about that person and likewise, you will begin to drown in your own pain.
You can go for a walk, go to the movies, party with your friends and also make new friends. The most important thing is that you start to socialize and feel the support of those who are your friends.
This is not as easy as you can read it, since your mind will always be thinking of that being.
However, you have to do your best to keep yourself busy, in this way, you will gradually go through the pain and also the pain.
You have to learn to open up to new experiences, this does not mean that you are going to take out this forbidden love with another love, since, here there may be a rebound relationship, which, this relationship is temporary.
It just means that you can live your life without impediments and learn to appreciate the people who, in general, are always around you.
It may be that you have true love in front of your eyes, and you do not know how to appreciate it only for your current situation.
Take Some Time To Renew Yourself
If you do not start loving yourself, then you are not going to make the other person come to love you and also value you as they have to.
So, you have to mentalize yourself if you really want to have a relationship that is stable and also that is long-lasting. Otherwise, you will just have an unhealthy relationship.
Therefore, you have to take time, find yourself and discover what you really want in your life and in your relationship. Not all the time, you have to be thinking about what the other person has done to you, since that does not make you value yourself as a person.
You just have to take all the time that is necessary in your life before starting a new relationship with another person that, perhaps, is worth it. You just have to know how to select the type of person you are going to love in your life.
Reflect On That Person
In most cases, you can create false ideals of the person who hurt you, just because you are in love.
Therefore, you have to learn to take some time to analyze and reflect on whether you really get to know that person as much as you thought you did.
You have to learn to reflect on whether that person is really in love, or is it just a simple obsession that both of you have.
For this reason, the best thing you can do is observe the actions and attitudes of all the people you meet. In this way you can forget your forbidden love.
You not only have to focus on the negative things that a person may have, but on the positive things that they have.
In this way, you will have the opportunity to be able to fulfill yourself as a person and also give yourself that opportunity to meet someone else without having the same traits as that impossible love.
Take all these techniques and you will see that you can count on great positive effects in your life. You just have to apply them daily and you will see everything you can achieve.
Leave Him Alone
This is the simplest, so let’s get it out of the way, leave it alone. Dating other men. The feelings are still harsh, but the action to take is simple. Get out of here.
Do Not Fall Into The Fantasy
Nobody is perfect. The kidnapped man you love wants you back too. But he may be afraid to leave his current relationship as he doesn’t know how things are going to go with you.
If this is the case, not only is it not your responsibility to make a move, it is not your right.
No matter how many things the man says that makes it look like he’s dying for you to make a move, don’t. Why?
You cannot be with two Apples.
The man needs to be willing to leave the relationship with the other woman and take a risk with you, knowing that it may or may not work.
But you can’t sit in the comfort of your current relationship while you see where things are going with you.
You need to be a man and be willing to risk getting into something that may or may not work.
Recognize the game
Some men worry that their girlfriend is not stable enough to handle a breakup. They worry that it will lead to depression and that her life will fall apart. Let me tell you something about these men.
They are nice. But they are too good. They don’t get what they want in life for fear of hurting someone’s feelings. If you dated him, how do you know that he wouldn’t stay with you even after he fell in love with you?
Don’t tell everyone
You have to tell someone that they are eating you inside. But, if you really want to be with him, it cannot be a known fact among your friends that you love him. Tell your best friend who you can trust, your mother or your sister.
But, if you happen to let the world know and join in with it, you may gain a reputation as a manipulative boyfriend thief.
How To End A Forbidden Crush
There is a reason why your infatuation is called “forbidden” and although your brain knows why, your heart may not have accepted it.
We tend to want what we cannot have; Knowing it’s forbidden makes it all the more tempting, according to Pauline Wallin, a psychologist and author of “How to Tame Your Inner Brat: A Guide to Transforming Self-Destructive Behavior.”
Still, most of us know that the right thing to do is to let go.
Help your heart heal by taking steps to let go of your forbidden crush and move on to a healthier relationship.
Focus On The Negative
You are so used to fantasizing about all the things you like about this person that you have overlooked their problems. Make a list of the bad traits of your crush.
How to hurt the ones you love to be with him? Write it all down, seeing it on paper makes it more real.
Create A Certain Distance
If you’ve been stalking your crush on social media sites, stop. Block your crush from texting you. Instead of stopping by your office every morning to say hello, avoid that area of the workplace. Do everything you can to limit the interaction.
Blame It On Your Brain
The rush of imagining yourself with a forbidden lover is a matter of chemistry, according to Helen Fisher, an anthropologist at Rutgers University and author of “Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love.” Knowing that it is not a “destination” or something so romantic can help us leave those feelings behind.
Surround yourself with friends who will support your efforts to move forward. Find one or two good friends who are not close to falling in love and who can hold you accountable.
Remember That Falling In Love Is Not Love
True love is never forbidden. Don’t let yourself call it love. Call it lust, call it desire, but don’t call it love, because true love is selfless, and a love that is forbidden can never be selfless.
Replace the forbidden fruit with a different kind. If you can occupy your mind and body with a new hobby or even a challenging college course, you are less likely to have time to deal with a lost love.
In the process, you may meet a new crush, one who is not forbidden.
What To Do When You Are Already In Love With Who You Shouldn’t?
A) Accept That Your Feelings Are Normal.
A wedding ring is a good sign that someone is in a committed relationship, but that little gold band can’t prevent you from suddenly being attracted to someone other than your spouse or significant other.
Even people who have been in society with the same person for years can easily be attracted to another person.
As the sex therapists at GoodInBed.com put it, “The attraction doesn’t end once we’re in a relationship.”
What is in your control is whether to act on those feelings by entering into a sexual or emotional relationship with that other person.
One way to prevent infidelity from happening in the first place is to simply acknowledge and accept the fact that your eye has wandered.
Seriously, love doesn’t make any sense. Why would someone seem more attractive if he or she is obviously taken?
At least for women, self-esteem issues may be at the root of the problem.
As psychologist Seth Meyers (not to be confused with that other Seth Meyers) writes on PsychologyToday.com, women who wish for unavailable partners may be unconsciously waiting for the person to finally commit and make them feel worthy.
If you repeatedly attract people who are unavailable, says relationship expert Margaret Paul, it is also possible that you yourself are emotionally unavailable and afraid of getting too romantically involved.
So the next time you find yourself imagining an R-rated scenario involving your best friend’s boyfriend, try to be introspective and think about why you might be interested in someone who is already attached.
C) Recognize That The Secret Is Sexy, But Decide If It Is Worth It.
If you’ve already gotten involved with someone who’s unavailable, you’ve likely discovered this.
There’s something electric about sneaking around like you’re teenagers again, doing what you know is wrong because it feels right.
Here again, human psychology comes into play. According to psychologist Stephanie Newman, sex (or any kind of relationship) with an already bonded partner can be liberating.
Possibly because it does not come with the fear that said partner is cheating on you, since he or she is already being unfaithful to another person.
But if you suspect the mystery of the relationship is drawing you in, author Kristen Houghton writes in The Huffington Post, consider whether that secret is worth the consequences.
It’s unclear if your unavailable partner will be willing to show off to friends or family and expose your relationship.
If a public relationship is ultimately what you want, this underground affair probably won’t satisfy you for long.
D) Ask Yourself If You Are Being Competitive.
Take it from Taylor Swift. Sometimes all you want to do is tell your friend’s partner, “You belong to my friend.”
Maybe it’s because you think the unavailable guy or girl is hot; or maybe it’s because you’re trying to elevate your friend.
Psychologist Monica Williams writes on PsychologyToday.com that relational aggression is a type of competition that often occurs between women (although men can be competitive as well) and sometimes involves sexual involvement with a rival’s partner.
If the object of your affection (or the person with whom you have already become involved) is linked to your friend, consider whether your feelings may come from a competitive spirit.
Then think about how you can curb these competitive urges in a healthy way, without ruining your friendship or your friend’s relationship.
Run Away From The Forbidden Fruit
You can fall in love with almost anyone. Go to a bar on a Tuesday night looking shitty and you might end up finding your life partner on the jukebox. Happens.
Love is fast. After years of waiting, it can finally appear like this.
However, there are certain people that you should not fall in love with. It is forbidden to have feelings for them, a clear violation of social order, and unfortunately knowing that they cannot be touched often makes it more attractive.
It goes back to all of Adam and Eve. If you tell someone not to eat the fruit, they will suddenly develop a desire to eat it.
Eve probably hated fruits, she’s more like a tasty kind of girl, but once she was told she couldn’t eat nature’s sweets, she became a big deal on her radar.
The forbidden fruit can come in a variety of different forms. Your boss. Someone who is too young or too old for you. A sociopathic idiot.
A good friend’s ex or worse, your best friend’s current boyfriend/girlfriend. That’s the last thing, no, no, right? It is a taboo that has been explored in countless movies, books, and television shows.
What happens when the two people you trust the most, your best friend and your lover, connect? It is inconceivable! The last betrayal! You are not a good person, very bad and terrible if you look at the flirtation of your best friend’s partner!